Today’s Onion is hilarious. My favorite part:

"Hemmed-In Seattle Mayor Calls For Emergency Deforestation"
"SEATTLE—Seattle Mayor Frances Bean Cobain-Osment issued a call for the emergency deforestation of the Pacific Northwest Monday. ‘Please, major logging companies, I beg you, send any spare sawmilling, pulping, or chipping equipment you have as soon as possible,’ said Cobain-Osment, invisible within the branches and overgrowth on the steps of City Hall. ‘We cannot fight off the encroaching trees and spotted owls any longer.’ The mayor’s message concluded with a spirited condemnation of 2001’s controversial Healthy Forests Initiative."

THE ONION 2056